Get ready to call me crazy.
For what you're about to read is perhaps the most insane thing I have said all year, and trust me, I have said some pretty insane things during Con Law. Actually, the things I said were more stupid than crazy. But this post, this post is the one that will have the local hospital measuring me for a straitjacket. Are you ready for this?
"I am going to miss being a 1L."
Don't get me wrong, there is not enough money in the world to tempt me to repeat this experience. I realized just how much of a toll this year has taken on me when I looked in the mirror before I went to church yesterday evening (I tiptoed in, eyelids squeezed shut, fingers crossed that I wouldn't be smited...smoted? smitten? smoten?). I was straightening my hair for the third time this entire year, and I thought, "Sweet! My hair is turning super blond in the front!"...Wait for it...Wait for it... "Oh man, those are gray hairs." Gray hairs. At the ripe old age of 23.
Aside from the premature graying, this year has been a rollercoaster. I've alternated between laughing, crying, pulling out my hair, feeling smart 5% of the time, feeling stupid 95% of the time, doubting myself, trusting myself, pulling all-nighters, sleeping through three alarms (seriously, I missed Contracts one day because of that), and finding out that my family and friends will be my legs when I can't physically, mentally, or emotionally support myself anymore. I could not have made it through the year without my family, my pre-law-school friends, and my law school friends. I've had more mental breakdowns than the entire cast did in the movie Girl, Interrupted, and they were all there for me through every single one.
Although there are times when I think I would have rather been in a mental institution, I loved being a 1L. Again, don't misinterpret that. I didn't love the bipolar-ness of the year, but it is a year I will definitely never forget. You learn who you are as a person, as a student, and as a future professional. You learn what you'll tolerate and what you won't. You'll learn where you stand on certain issues that you never even thought about before law school. You'll quote cases in debates with your mother ("US v. Butler, Mom, US v. Butler"). But most importantly, you learn just how much you can take, and you learn what your breaking point is. You learn how strong you are.
It's been a year of self-discovery and realizing that there are 600 people who are Type A control freaks just like me (I sometimes wish they could all come to my high school reunion so that I can show my old classmates I'm not the only one). Next year will be another year of adjustment. Here's the list of things to get used to for next year:
1) Not being a "stupid 1L" (direct quote).
2) Not running around the library like a chicken with my head cut off because I only have five minutes left on my practical exam, and I still have to get two pinpoint cites from Lexis.
3) Not crying over Legal Writing assignments because I'm one page short of the minimum page length.
4) Adjusting to being the middle child of the law school world.
Of course, if I fail my finals, that list will be scrapped. And just in case that happens, I've got my straitjacket already ordered on Amazon.
No comments:
Post a Comment