The day that I have been working towards for the last three years is coming soon. In 25 days, I will (hopefully) be a law graduate. I will join thousands of JDs nationwide and will become a faceless autobot in a sea of suits. But I have something that sets me apart from many of my classmates and other JDs:
I will be unemployed.
I'm starting to come to terms with it, but the stress accompanying this sober reality has not abated in the slightest. I have a bridge picked out, and I acquired a refrigerator box in which to live. The only thing left to do is to create a fake identity so that Sallie Mae goes after that person, and not me.
It's unbelievable that twenty straight years of schooling are coming to an end. In 1993, I walked in to Ms. Yvonne's kindergarten classroom, a scared child wearing a multi-colored dress with a screen-printed apple on the front who was unsure of what the future held for her. Now, twenty years later, I will leave law school as a scared adult (not sure what I'll be wearing yet) who is unsure of what the future holds. I endured twenty years of schooling just to wind up back where I started.
But the twenty years have not been wasted, even though the last three may have been. But the last three years have helped shape my sarcastic, self-deprecating sense of humor. How about one last post for the blog that no one has any interest in reading? And so, as a final farewell, I have decided to write a list of some law school observations/things that I have learned:
1. Never make eye contact with gunners
For those of who you don't know, gunners are the "eager beavers" of the law school, raising their hands to answer every question and to relate personal anecdotes that no one really cares about. They are the students who will arrive early, stay after class to speak with the professor, and will inevitably ruin any chance that you had to get out of class early. You do not want to get paired up with them for a group assignment, or you will be doing far more work than the professor requires. When you locate and identify the gunner in your class, choose a seat on the opposite side, and for God's sake, don't make eye contact. If you can't locate and identify the class gunner, grab a mirror and hold it in front of your face. It's most likely you.
2. Learn how to pass an attendance sheet
It goes all the way across the row (including the aisles), and then backward or forward (depending on where your row got it from). It's not hard.
3. If you like Civ Pro, you will not like Contracts. If you like Contracts, you will not like Civ Pro
This seems to be universal. I have no explanation why.
4. Follow the Elevator Rule at all times
Refer to previous posts for an explanation of the Elevator Rule.
5. Do not sit in the seat directly next to me when there are thirty open chairs (a variation of the Elevator Rule)
This originally referred to seating during finals, but I think I want to expand it. If there are thirty open chairs when you walk into the room, do not sit in the seat directly next to me. Seriously. Don't even try it.
6. No matter whether you're a 3L or a 1L, getting called on during the first day of class sucks
No explanation needed. It just really, really sucks.
7. There is a sense of camaraderie and competition among law students
And these two feelings are fighting an eternal, epic battle for which will reign supreme. Just a heads-up: once you get to second semester 2L year, competition wins, and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants feeling that permeated 1L year is now replaced by The Hunger Games/Thunderdome.
8. Every piece of knowledge I have retained has come from a class with a tough professor
Don't shy away from the tough professors. Those are the classes where you learn your stuff. With that being said, DO avoid the unfair professors. Like a certain Family Law professor who shall remain nameless. If you're going to take a class with her, have the dean's number on speed dial because trust me, you're going to need it.
9. Lower your expectations of success
You expected to be a straight-A student in law school? Be happy with Cs. You expected to marry your college boyfriend/girlfriend? Be happy with a tub of ice cream and Millionaire Matchmaker. You expected to get a high-powered job right out of law school? Just be happy that you put on real pants today. Or any pants, for that matter.
And last, but certainly not least, the most important thing I learned in law school is...
10. Nobody cares
You got into law school. That's great. You should be proud of yourself. You completed law school? Be even prouder. And demand that your family and close friends be proud as well. But don't post anything about your getting a job, landing an internship, making the dean's list, or generally just having a great life and expect anyone outside of the aforementioned groups to care. Because we don't. We're all battling through this hell, and the primary focus is on our own self. You're just a law-school acquaintance and something great and law-related happened to you? You can find me in Starbucks, drinking my venti bold coffee and not caring. You should absolutely celebrate your achievements, but save yourself a stamp and put my invitation in the shredder.
Cynicism doesn't even begin to describe my current state of being.
This is good-bye, my friends who must have been really, really bored to actually reach this point. This blog has been fun, and I really wish I could do this full-time. My student loans, however, dictate that I get a paying job. If only someone would pay me to be self-deprecating and cynical...
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