I haven't posted in awhile. That is the direct consequence of dedicating the last two weeks of my life to the bane of every 1L's existence: the Appellate Brief.
For those of you lucky enough to have avoided the insanity of law school, the Appellate Brief is the major spring semester writing assignment that every 1L must somehow survive. The process is filled with all-nighters (I'm at three so far), caffeine-induced shakes, and breakdowns in front of your TA because you're at twenty-two pages, and the minimum requirement is twenty-three (yes, yes. That was me). It's editing, more editing, editing your first edits, editing your second edits, on and on until the word "edit" becomes the only word in your vocabulary.
Then, just when you think you're done, you have to get it bound, and the assignment that you thought couldn't possibly get any more stressful all of a sudden hits a 10 on the Richter law school scale. The binding process itself is not stressful because someone else binds it for you. What's stressful is the handing over of 45% of your grade to someone else, and trusting them with it. I've felt more comfortable trusting people with my life.
During the Appellate Brief writing process, you find yourself giving the characters life. I found myself reprimanding my fictional client because of all the times for a junior high girl to keep her mouth shut, she chose the wrong one. I yelled at the fictional boy who skipped the day in kindergarten when they taught us "to keep our hands to ourselves." I found myself responding to the fictional statements of the fictional depositions.
This immersion into the Appellate Brief (which I think is what psychiatrists call "a psychotic break"...what do they know?) highlighted one very real truth. As law students, we live in a different reality. We live in a reality that when someone says the word "night," our first question is immediately, "Which night do you mean? Dusk? Eight p.m.? Midnight?" Our reality becomes filled with battery, negligence, fee simples, and the difference between strict scrutiny, intermediate scrutiny, and rational basis tests. Our literatutre consists of cases, depositions, affidavits, interrogatories, law review articles, etc. The highlight of our week(end) is when we can finish our Legal Research assignments in under three hours. When we pass a fender bender on the road, we start assessing the possible negligence claims.
Maybe I formed this alternate reality because it's all I know now. Maybe this reality always existed, and I'm just now realizing that I live in it. But one day, it will be worth it. The J.D. behind our names, finally getting to apply the knowledge we acquired during our three years of endless stress, and the first paycheck will make us glad we went through it. Ok, maybe not glad, but maybe we will be able to look back without cringing. Or maybe, just maybe, the new world I live in has made me so optimistic that I'm toeing the line between optimism and psychosis.
For me, it will all be worth it when I get to quote A Few Good Men in court.
Dream big, kids. Dream big.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Where we're going, we don't need roads.
Sometimes I hold grudges. I'm not sure why; I just do. The funny thing is, though, I don't hold grudges against people I know. I hold grudges against people I have never met and will never meet. Michael Vick, for one. He is forever off of my Christmas card list. Bill Belichick is another one. He knows why.
Then I came to law school. And now I'm holding the biggest grudge of my life. And the lucky target is:
King Henry VIII.
Hanks 1-7, I'm cool with you. But this is between me and Hank #8.
If you stopped reading at this point (and you probably have), you would think that this post is going to be a feminist rant, calling him pompous and tyrannical, and quite possibly, the biggest grudge holder of all time. He chopped off chicas' heads because they wouldn't give him a son or whatever. But this is not a feminist rant, and my grudge against Henry VIII has nothing to do with his interesting take on marriage and women.
My grudge against Henry VIII is purely because of the law of Property. Law students struggle with Fee Simples, Executory Interests, and Vested Remainders Subject to Open, and we wonder, "When will this misery end?" And then it gets worse. The Rule Against Perpetuities. The Rule Against Perpetuities was Hank #8's way of ensuring that he would get to laugh at first year law students almost 500 years after his death.
I am determined to master the Rule Against Perpetuities and not let Henry VIII win. We threw off England's tyranny once before, let's do it again! We'll rebel against the law of Property, and then we'll go down in history. They'll call it the Second Revolutionary War...or something more creative. It can't miss.
Until the history books are rewritten to reflect our victory over the Rule Against Perpetuities and the law of Property, I say we find some plutonium, buy a DeLorean, gun it to 1536, and slap Henry VIII in the face.
And then we run like hell.
Then I came to law school. And now I'm holding the biggest grudge of my life. And the lucky target is:
King Henry VIII.
Hanks 1-7, I'm cool with you. But this is between me and Hank #8.
If you stopped reading at this point (and you probably have), you would think that this post is going to be a feminist rant, calling him pompous and tyrannical, and quite possibly, the biggest grudge holder of all time. He chopped off chicas' heads because they wouldn't give him a son or whatever. But this is not a feminist rant, and my grudge against Henry VIII has nothing to do with his interesting take on marriage and women.
My grudge against Henry VIII is purely because of the law of Property. Law students struggle with Fee Simples, Executory Interests, and Vested Remainders Subject to Open, and we wonder, "When will this misery end?" And then it gets worse. The Rule Against Perpetuities. The Rule Against Perpetuities was Hank #8's way of ensuring that he would get to laugh at first year law students almost 500 years after his death.
I am determined to master the Rule Against Perpetuities and not let Henry VIII win. We threw off England's tyranny once before, let's do it again! We'll rebel against the law of Property, and then we'll go down in history. They'll call it the Second Revolutionary War...or something more creative. It can't miss.
Until the history books are rewritten to reflect our victory over the Rule Against Perpetuities and the law of Property, I say we find some plutonium, buy a DeLorean, gun it to 1536, and slap Henry VIII in the face.
And then we run like hell.
Monday, February 14, 2011
That wildebeest is getting awa...Never mind.
Every Friday, the law school conducts tours and visits for those interested in attending law school. You can distinguish these visitors from the law students in three ways:
1) They are not weighed down by ninety pounds of books that has their backpack begging for mercy.
2) They are not carrying coffee or any other form of caffeine.
3) They look happy.
I watch these innocent faces stroll through the law school, unaware of what they are signing up for. My incessant need to quote 90's movies overtakes me, and I have to fight the urge to run up to these people, grab their faces, and yell, "Don't ever say that! Stay...stay as long as you can! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHERISH IT!"
The irony settles in while I watch the tour: we can't warn them. Why can't we warn them? Because no one could warn us. In a school/profession that makes a living utilizing the English language, there are simply no words to express what they are about to get themselves into.
The animal channels often show footage of wildebeests, gnus, gazelles, and other animals getting mauled by cheetahs, lions, tigers, etc. Sometimes I watch because it's great to see that the stuff that goes on in the human world happens in the animal world as well. Once in awhile, though, you get that rogue wildebeest. The one that won't be caught. You're thinking, "this animal could get away!" And you start cheering for it, all the while realizing that while the wildebeest is putting up a valiant fight, the cheetah will win. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but sooner or later, the cheetah will lay the smack down on the wildebeest, and everything will be right in the animal world once again.
It's the same feeling watching these innocent people take the tour of the law school. They're going to come in with an unbreakable spirit, running away from the dark force that threatens to overtake their sanity. But in the end, we all know who will win. It's an unbeatable force, this law school deal. And while you may outrun it for awhile, it will catch up to you eventually.
So enjoy the watering hole, innocent wildebeests. But remember the cheetah is always lurking in the tall grass.
1) They are not weighed down by ninety pounds of books that has their backpack begging for mercy.
2) They are not carrying coffee or any other form of caffeine.
3) They look happy.
I watch these innocent faces stroll through the law school, unaware of what they are signing up for. My incessant need to quote 90's movies overtakes me, and I have to fight the urge to run up to these people, grab their faces, and yell, "Don't ever say that! Stay...stay as long as you can! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHERISH IT!"
The irony settles in while I watch the tour: we can't warn them. Why can't we warn them? Because no one could warn us. In a school/profession that makes a living utilizing the English language, there are simply no words to express what they are about to get themselves into.
The animal channels often show footage of wildebeests, gnus, gazelles, and other animals getting mauled by cheetahs, lions, tigers, etc. Sometimes I watch because it's great to see that the stuff that goes on in the human world happens in the animal world as well. Once in awhile, though, you get that rogue wildebeest. The one that won't be caught. You're thinking, "this animal could get away!" And you start cheering for it, all the while realizing that while the wildebeest is putting up a valiant fight, the cheetah will win. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but sooner or later, the cheetah will lay the smack down on the wildebeest, and everything will be right in the animal world once again.
It's the same feeling watching these innocent people take the tour of the law school. They're going to come in with an unbreakable spirit, running away from the dark force that threatens to overtake their sanity. But in the end, we all know who will win. It's an unbeatable force, this law school deal. And while you may outrun it for awhile, it will catch up to you eventually.
So enjoy the watering hole, innocent wildebeests. But remember the cheetah is always lurking in the tall grass.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I was expecting Legally Blonde. Instead I got The Paper Chase.
I'm starting a blog. I know that is quite obvious, but I've never written a blog before. I don't know why I'm starting a blog; it's not like I think anything I have to say is valuable or that anyone will care. But at some point during my exhausting Tuesday schedule I realized that I needed some sort of catharsis besides calling everyone in my contacts list and complaining about my life. So, like all the TV therapists suggest, I'm transferring my frustration to paper (which nowadays means the Internet).
I left my undergrad in a very ungraceful manner. Some people can't wait to graduate college, others are hesitant, and then there are some who don't want to leave. I was dragged out kicking and screaming. My last semester, I actually contemplated ways to somehow not earn the one credit I needed to graduate. My first semester of my senior year was filled with GRE studying, graduate school applications, and classwork. Then, one day, while sitting in my kitchen on FB, I read someone's status about studying for the LSAT. And I thought, "hey, I should sign up for the LSAT!" This "moment of clarity" was preceded by the sickening feeling I felt in my stomach when I realized that, if I went to graduate school, I would be writing Spanish papers for another two years. So I signed up for the LSAT.
You ever look back at moments in your life and realize, "THAT was my downfall"? You know, the one beer that sent you over the edge, the to-die-for shoes you bought that slowly and painfully tried to kill your feet, and the perm that your hairstylist said would look "fabulous" on you? The "hey, I should sign up for the LSAT"? That was mine.
Before you begin law school, everyone tells you how hard it is going to be. To be fair, no one ever said "Psssh, it will be the easiest thing of your life!" If that were true, law school movies wouldn't be nearly as popular if we couldn't watch the protagonist helplessly struggle and then emerge triumphantly at the end of it all. I knew it was going to be hard; I didn't know it was going to be life-altering. Suddenly, you eat, drink, and breathe law school. I once dreamed about trying to modify a contract, and sat straight up in bed and yelled, "MUTUALITY OF OBLIGATION!" It consumes your mind 24/7, and it becomes impossible to talk or think the same way you did before.
But there are some valuable things that law school has taught me so far:
1) Don't say "Promissory Estoppel" until your professor says you can.
2) You can master the Erie doctrine...kind of.
3) In the library during finals week, make as little noise as possible if you want to survive...seriously.
4) Don't be late to Civil Procedure.
5) Striking up random conversations with people is the best way to make friends. I think that's how I met all the people I talk to.
6) Don't expect the law school to turn the heat on, even though you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to attend.
7) Con Law is like an auction. Don't make any sudden movements so you don't get the attention of the auctioneer. You don't want to bid on a Commerce Clause question that you don't know the answer to.
8) Be prepared to say "Wtf?" every single day in Property.
9) Realize you're not alone, and if you feel like you're drowning, talk to someone. It's extremely likely that at least 75% of your classmates are feeling exactly the same way.
But the most important thing that law school has taught me is
10) Appreciate the little things. The afternoon nap you get to take every two months, the rare night you don't have to read, getting to watch a new movie (or any movie for that matter), and that overwhelming sense of joy you feel when you find the Legal Research case that you have been pulling your hair out trying to find for 2 hours.
Hopefully this blog will help relieve the stress of studying the law. Alcoholism runs rampant among lawyers. I wonder if there's a correlation...
I left my undergrad in a very ungraceful manner. Some people can't wait to graduate college, others are hesitant, and then there are some who don't want to leave. I was dragged out kicking and screaming. My last semester, I actually contemplated ways to somehow not earn the one credit I needed to graduate. My first semester of my senior year was filled with GRE studying, graduate school applications, and classwork. Then, one day, while sitting in my kitchen on FB, I read someone's status about studying for the LSAT. And I thought, "hey, I should sign up for the LSAT!" This "moment of clarity" was preceded by the sickening feeling I felt in my stomach when I realized that, if I went to graduate school, I would be writing Spanish papers for another two years. So I signed up for the LSAT.
You ever look back at moments in your life and realize, "THAT was my downfall"? You know, the one beer that sent you over the edge, the to-die-for shoes you bought that slowly and painfully tried to kill your feet, and the perm that your hairstylist said would look "fabulous" on you? The "hey, I should sign up for the LSAT"? That was mine.
Before you begin law school, everyone tells you how hard it is going to be. To be fair, no one ever said "Psssh, it will be the easiest thing of your life!" If that were true, law school movies wouldn't be nearly as popular if we couldn't watch the protagonist helplessly struggle and then emerge triumphantly at the end of it all. I knew it was going to be hard; I didn't know it was going to be life-altering. Suddenly, you eat, drink, and breathe law school. I once dreamed about trying to modify a contract, and sat straight up in bed and yelled, "MUTUALITY OF OBLIGATION!" It consumes your mind 24/7, and it becomes impossible to talk or think the same way you did before.
But there are some valuable things that law school has taught me so far:
1) Don't say "Promissory Estoppel" until your professor says you can.
2) You can master the Erie doctrine...kind of.
3) In the library during finals week, make as little noise as possible if you want to survive...seriously.
4) Don't be late to Civil Procedure.
5) Striking up random conversations with people is the best way to make friends. I think that's how I met all the people I talk to.
6) Don't expect the law school to turn the heat on, even though you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to attend.
7) Con Law is like an auction. Don't make any sudden movements so you don't get the attention of the auctioneer. You don't want to bid on a Commerce Clause question that you don't know the answer to.
8) Be prepared to say "Wtf?" every single day in Property.
9) Realize you're not alone, and if you feel like you're drowning, talk to someone. It's extremely likely that at least 75% of your classmates are feeling exactly the same way.
But the most important thing that law school has taught me is
10) Appreciate the little things. The afternoon nap you get to take every two months, the rare night you don't have to read, getting to watch a new movie (or any movie for that matter), and that overwhelming sense of joy you feel when you find the Legal Research case that you have been pulling your hair out trying to find for 2 hours.
Hopefully this blog will help relieve the stress of studying the law. Alcoholism runs rampant among lawyers. I wonder if there's a correlation...
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