The only thing I have to say is, "thank goodness I don't write for a weekly newspaper." I'm not doing too well at keeping up at this whole blog-thing. And while I had a good excuse last year (because there were only twenty-four hours in a day and I spent twenty three of them doing something law school related), I don't really have a good one this year. Why is that (I hear people bored with my rambling blog ask)?
Because I don't care.
I don't mean that I don't care in the sense that I've stopped going to class or I've stopped doing my reading. I'm still doing all of that stuff. I'm actually typing this while sitting in the library, dreading my Closely Held Business Organizations reading. What I mean is that I don't care like a I did last year, when I had panic attacks on a semi-regular basis, studied constantly, and worried myself sick over doing badly in my classes. I have become the people I always wanted to be like in high school and college. I would look at the people in my classes who genuinely didn't give a crap about how they did, and I would envy them. Unfortunately for my mother, I am now one of them.
The really surprising thing is that I'm not even sure that I want to care. I look at my life last year and think, "that much stress really couldn't have been healthy." But the thing about that stress is that it was motivating. It kept me going long after I wanted to stop. It allowed me to pull the all-nighter so I could send my appellate brief draft to my TA on time. If we're being honest, it made me some of my really good friends. I started talking to some of my good friends because I was so stressed.
I'm not sure why this year is so different. Maybe because I only like one of my classes, and the rest of the classes I only signed up for because I needed credits, and they were the only classes left. Maybe because I'm not meant to be a law student or be a lawyer. Maybe because what I really want to do I'm not allowed to do (play football in the NFL). Maybe because I only have two friends in the law school. Or maybe it's because law school has finally done what it does best: beat out every ounce of happiness that I had. I don't even think Freud could help me out on this one.
I'm currently in the market for the treatment that Peter Gibbons was searching for. Is there any way to just zonk me out so that I think that I have been playing football all day?
No? Alright then...back to apathy.
Yeah, I feel pretty similar. I'm glad the stress is over or, at least, I've become immune to it.
ReplyDeleteThe only stress I feel is related to jobs and actually finding what I want to do. Maybe there should have been a class last year where we were grilled constantly about finding jobs, had to fill out applications everyday, and got graded on whether we picked the right one. After that, I think I would be immune to job searching stress as well.